So Much For

Trying to get anything done more than three hours before deadline.

I'm just now thinking about starting an essay that needs to be sent in with this application to this summer program for young poets I probably won't get into anyway. They accept like ten students out of hundreds, or something like that.

I looked at my blog feed just before I intended on starting working on the essay and got distracted by one of dooce's headings and had to go read her blog for a bit.

But, you know, this time I'm not gritting my teeth uttering curse words at myself because I'm so awful at actually getting anything done when I want to.

I'm an incredible perfectionist. Hence, I can't do anything ahead of time, because I'm scared out of my mind. I don't know what to write, and nothing sounds right, and I just get so upset I stop. This is what happened last night with Chase at a cafe in Holland. I started writing the essay, the first sentence, and couldn't think of the right word order, and just got so pissed off, I folded my arms and proceeded to see who was on facebook chat.

Luckily, I called my friend Paula later that night and told her my first line and ideas to flesh out the rest of it and she did what she always does, she said, "Michelle, did you just hear yourself. that sounds amazing. Oh my god, it sounds so intelligent and creative. I think it's perfect." This is why I don't think I'll ever be able to live without her. And really, I don't think she's just saying this stuff. I actually believe that she believes in me. And I can always use more of that. Who couldn't, I guess?

Anyway, here's to returning again to this application. Happy sunny snowy afternoon to all of you nearby!