1. I have a birth mark that looked much like a four-leaf clover as a child. It's on my ankle, and I used to show other kids, as if I were telling them a secret. I remember thinking it looked like a three-leaf clover, but the stem was transforming into a fourth leaf, and I remember believing that this meant I was becoming special, becoming lucky.
2. I am not a crazy animal person. As a child I loved the various dogs I grew up with, and actually started bawling on a friend's shoulder one day leaving school because I had learned that our beagle had been hit by a car. I remember feeling ashamed of the sadness, actually, and held it in and told no one, and this friend happened to hug me as we were leaving school and I just fell apart. Anyway, the real point of this fact is that when I was six years old, (my mom verified this information for me last night), my mom brought home a cat named Toby for me for my birthday. I loved the cat, and was very excited. One night, my mom asked me if I would like Toby to sleep with me. My mother tells me that I looked at her as if she had lost her mind. She said I was careful to be nice and polite, and just asked her, "Why would I do that?" She said she actually felt rather dumb for suggesting it, as if it was totally illogical for children to want to sleep with their pets.
3. I find Helena Bonham Carter to be the most attractive actress. Honestly, I would begin batting for the other side, if I could be with this woman (though her ferocity in most of her films is rather sexy, it would probably actually be quite terrifying). I was thinking about this last night, and tried to think of which actors I find to be attractive, and I couldn't think of any right off the bat. None that I would be drawn to physically. As I am a heterosexual woman, I began to ponder why I find Helena Bonham Carter so attractive, and my conclusion is that I envy her ferocity, and very defined face, as these are physical features I lack. I always am terribly insecure about my jawline. So, apparently, I rarely find a man I'm physically attracted to because I'm so busy worrying about my unattractiveness. Ylechblech.
4. I hate wearing jeans. I don't know how to describe my dislike for them. I would rather be wearing a dress or linen, or something. I just don't feel myself in them.
5. I also don't wear shorts, often. I wear them when I'm by myself, but never in public. I have knock-knees, and feel like I look like a chicken or something. I'm starting to get over that, though.
6. I love driving through snow. I find it thrilling, unless I'm late for something.
7. Sometimes I listen to country music.
8. When I get really stressed out. I mean REALLY, I forget to eat. This is how I keep a steady weight. I gain a couple of pounds for a couple of months, and then something stresses me out (oddly in the spring, somethimes in the fall), and I don't eat anything for a week or so.
9. I love potatoes. And I mix tuna fish with thousand island dressing and eat it...just like that...in a bowl. My old roommates used to love my eating habits, and even used them as part of their way of introducing me to new friends.
10. I always jump to the conclusion, when people are MIA, that they have died. Specifically in a car wreck. Morbid, right? I don't know what it is, but my youngest sister seems to have similar ideas, in that both of us get really freaked out if we can't get a hold of our mom. She calls me, or I call her, and we both wait in agony for Mom to call us back. I'm living with my mom right now, and if she goes to visit her boyfriend, an hour and a half drive away, for a Saturday, and it's two in the morning and she isn't back yet, I imagine this one particular stretch of highway I once drove with her to his house that has these really high cement barriers around it, and I worry that something terrible has happened. I can never sleep when I know she's driving home, late. And if I know any of my friends are driving late at night, the same thought will typically cross my mind, though I usually talk myself immediately out of the worry.
11. I love mornings, though I don't get out of bed early. I love to wait in my sheets, and just feel them, and see the sun laying on the floor. I get soo blissed out just lying there, softness stretching around everywhere, I feel almost foolish.
12. I enjoy singing more than writing, or anything, really. But I am terrified of sharing my voice, though sharing my writing doesn't faze me all that much.
13. This summer, I developed an interest in cooking. Not by recipes, but just experimenting with spices and sauces in vegetables and so forth. I've discovered that when I cook, alone in the kitchen, I get very hushed and accepting of all that is, and isn't. It's like meditation.
14. I grew up with a farm across the street from my house and got up early every morning, before my mother, and went to help the farmer with the cows. I remembered recently that I've actually taught calves to walk, and remember feeding them with bottles. I've always admired cow eyes, soft and wide, and almost terrified looking, their long lashes framing them like eccentric curtains.
15. I love water. The house I grew up in (until I was 20), has a giant pond beside it. My sisters and I used to put on goggles and submerge ourselves into the fields of bluegills beneath the surface.
16. Despite my love of water, and wanting to be in it or near it, I think I would be quite afraid to take my first step into the ocean. Because I've never been there, all I know of the ocean I see on television. So, my first thought, when dropping my big toe into the ocean would be that somewhere in there rested enormous monstrous creatures which produce their own light and have teeth two feet long which stick out of their mouth like spider legs. But, if I ever make it to the ocean, I will try my very best to brave it.
17. I want to see a giant whale before I die. I've never seen one, and I think that it would kick all the depression I could ever have's ass. I can't imagine ever really feeling truly meaningless or suicidally sad if I see a creature that large alive, functioning.
18. I have also never seen a snow capped mountain.
19. I often feel like there are things that will never happen in my life. For instance, I feel like I may never get married or have a baby. I think I accept these things as impossibilities because I don't want to get my hopes up. I've always been so interested in people who talk about their future husband, and future life, when I can't assume that any of those things will ever happen. I want them, too, and I feel like part of me should start living as if they are a possibility, as if I am totally as capable as these other people of having a good future relationship which would result in marriage.
20. If I ever get married, I want it to be a backyard potluck wedding. No expenses, really. Just mothers making meatballs and rolls and potlucky foods, and dancing, of course, in the yard, late into the night after a brief ceremony. I also would not want a pastor to give a sermon or anything. I would just want friends to read things. I told my friend Andrew this idea once, and he said, "Michelle, that sounds like the happiest wedding, ever." I agree.
I'm hoping at least one of these was a new to you.
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